...and our enemy surrounding, we yet but press on. Not simply as we can, but as we must."

Some things fell apart, and some are in a good place, I think. But the last few days have been hard.

I won't say much, but I will say this. Yesterday was the hardest. And the night before that.
My love was a hair's breadth from losing her familial home, and having to fund her future without the considerable and very helpful assistance of her father.

It wasn't good...a lot of yelling, a lot of information that needed out, and a lot...a LOT of discussion. It was a bad night, a worse morning...but use and ease is slowly shining through.

"We can make it through...our enemy is nothing by our strength."

Plans, in the end, have remained much the same, at least in the short term. I still need to get driving (thanks for the help Sis. Just the small things and then I can get to learning again...), and figure out where I'm going to come up with two grand for school...500 a quarter I'm still short. It's bullshit...but that's what I get. Hopefully I'll take a trip down there before summer's up, and take a couple days for her sake. But we'll see, on that note, what happens.

My last note...anyone have any help on maintaining helpful and restful sleep? I haven't gotten either in quite a few days...and I feel like hell because. Any hints would be nice...

Besides work. It's getting interesting, though...watching everything start to come together again. Just waiting on one big piece to be reachable before I get too caught up. I dunno.

I have a lot to do over my "weekend", including getting my school stuff together the rest of the way, and talking to my friend about our plans Wednesday(I hope we're still on...). I need another vacation from work. A permanent one...but that's not going to happen. I need the money more, even if I can't get anything done because I sleep days.

I've got nothing else, really. I should be doing other things, but I'm not...

...I want a lot of people to know I haven't forgotten about them:

To the first...: You're prolly doing well, happy...you were always good at keeping yourself going.
And the second..: Aside from a rather chilly goodbye, you're still one of the most interesting gamer girls I've known. Whatever you're doing now...I know it's interesting and you're making the most of it.
The Third: Maybe things are better for you. If they are...great. If not, I'm sorry to hear it. Things are better for me, now...but I do what to say that I almost fell off the deep end for good for a moment there.
To a few others at once...: You're made of success and awesome...and you're able to do it, if you keep looking forward. Don't worry, and don't ask. Just do it. But you prolly already did...

With that out of the way...and going back to the title...

...I want a very few people to know I love them...and that I will never ever have been able...will never be able...to repay everything you've done for me...I am eternally grateful and forever indebted...

...I want one person to know...that they brought me back from the brink...and for that, even if you don't agree...I owe you everything.

...And that's all.

Sorry...I feel...oddly thoughtful tonight/today...and I needed a vent..that's some of it...

After 2 years of indecision and trying not to think about it...I think I've finally made a choice. I need to go back to school, and I think it's high time to do so. So I'm looking at, in the quickest possible fashion...:

-Getting my license
-Filling out my FAFSA
-Filling out an ap for OSU Newark and/or Mansfield, possibly also COTC in Newark. I'm not sure, but likely only those two.
+Getting my (2-year old) ACT score and HS transcripts
-Possibly looking for a place to live
-after that stuff, hoping I can get enough Fin-Aid to make school a viable option.

I think that's it. If I do get into school, I'll prolly end up cutting back my work hours, too...less work and more class...oh boy...just like the old days. BUT that's if the other thing falls through, which would be getting a (Much) better paying job in the immediate, which would entail me just getting my license.

But I can't say for sure if either one is bound to happen just yet...so I'm holding my cards close. And we'll see.

---

One month, three days...

But until then...lookie these!

:iconazurylipfe :iconlady-alex

Each of them is worth a look!

I'm just going to be bitching in this...and I'm sorry that I haven't added new devvies. I haven't had the will to write...it feels like words have been lost to me.

Today...is Friday. I have two days until what I want to be doing...and I'm worried that I'm not going to make it with my sanity intact. There's too much that's bugging me...and I'm starting to remember why the old thoughts made sense.

Foremost...is Her. I found out some...troubling things today...and if those kinds of things come to pass...I'll very likely lose my entire mind to them, or, at rate, what's left of it. I've grown incredibly attached to Her over this past year...and in the last few months, especially...she's the one I've trusted with my entire life...all my deepest secrets are in her head and hands.

I can't...can't do without Her in my life. It's not possible.

Onto something else, though.

I feel like my job is killing me. I know a lot of people who dislike their job, or only go because the money is good.

I hate my job.
The pay sucks.

I dread going to work, because I know it's going to be the same thing every day. Dull rhythm...waiting for the morning so I can leave and hide in my house again. I don't want to socalize as much, because my hours (which is the only fucking blessing of working where I do) keep me in bed during the day, unless I'm called by certain others, or I have plans made in advance.

It's a paycheck, though...until I get my license finally so I can look for better.

Or something.

I guess...what I'm looking for is an excuse to be content with my freedom again. I seriously wish I could be back in HS again, as hard as those 5 years were for me. I'd trade anyone who thinks that "freedom from high school" is nice.

I...no. Now I'm just whining, and I don't want to hear myself doing that at this point.

Two months and 6 days...